Fast Foot (not) First Time

You and your friends are hanging out, as usual. While out and about, your group gets hungry as usual. And, yes as usual, the group decision is to go to some fast food place to eat. Everyone arrives at the fast food “restaurant” and is ready to order except one (or two) people that are staring at the menu like they are a fast food virgin. (Hint: They're not.) WHY???

It's All The Same

Most fast food places, at least in the US, have the same items on the menu:

  • Beef something
  • Chicken something
  • Fish something
  • Salad

Some fast food places specialize in one type of item and may not offer another type of item. Plus, the “something” is typically a sandwich. Seriously, what is the complicated life decision here? Do you have a preference? Go with that. No preference? Then it doesn't matter just pick something because nothing will be the right choice and nothing will be the wrong choice.

Have Fun With It

With this knowledge that it is all the same, there is no need to wait until you arrive to figure out which item to get. As soon as the decision is made for fast food, mentally pick one of the four items listed above. If you have not been to the location where the group is headed, no problem, mentally select another item as a “backup”. Once at the restaurant, scan the menu for your item (or your backup item) then confidently walk-up and place your order with as little delay as possible. Everyone in your group will think you are a regular even if it is your first time at that location.

If you want to introduce some randomness, just pick a number like #5 before you arrive. Most menus are arranged alphabetically with about three beef items, two chicken items, one fish, and one salad item. So you are most likely to get a chicken something or a fish something regardless of where you go. Unless the “restaurant” specialized in one of the somethings then it may be random. Whatever #5 ends being, just go with it. You can make up a story about how “5” has been a lucky number lately or something more dramatic.

Even More Fun

Since you now know what fast food to order before you even get there, what to do with those extra brain-cycles? Try to think of invalid or trick questions to ask while making your order. For example:


Anything else?


A milk shake.


OK, which flavor?



Cashier: (After the shock wears off)

We don't have that…

You: (Maintaining a dead-pan poker-face expression)

No problem, I'll just have a soda then.

You and your friends will have a good laugh at the table while enjoying your meal.

(This example was inspired by the British T.V. show Red Dwarf.)